is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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