i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
