So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
