my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
