I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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