got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
