Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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