he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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