Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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