i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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