Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
