If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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