the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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