Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
