My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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