if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
