i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
