Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
