her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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