Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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