The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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