i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
