Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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