she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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