fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
