It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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