I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
