Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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