Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
