So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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