you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
soo... how was my night?
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