Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
