as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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