I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
