Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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