I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
