I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
