if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
