I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
