NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
