Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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