Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
