And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
