Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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