I'm really into asian looking animals
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
