forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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