I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
