I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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