people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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