I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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