Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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