is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
