On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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