how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
