I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
