The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
