Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
