That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
