apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
