I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
