I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
