so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
