Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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