Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
