high people should be assigned attendants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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