Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
