I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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