PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
