Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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