Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
