normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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