I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
