Your face is a jimmy john
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
