Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
