Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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